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The Awkward Romance Bio:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the "band of the future", THE AWKWARD ROMANCE. (all caps – most In the same sense that Superman was heralded as the "Man of the Future", the same must be said of us. Although we're not so much a band, but rather four super-humans who comprise an undeniable musical onslaught that is light years ahead of its time. A force reckoned into being to fight the injustice of people having to listen to music that is inferior to ours, which can also be classified as "all music ever".
All bands play live shows, right? Well, perhaps they do, until they see the awkward romance play, shortly after which the majority of them are struck deaf and mute for a full month, and then become schoolteachers or door-to-door computer salesmen. We are on tour 366 days a year, because every year is leap year for us. We accomplish this feat in spite of our lack of a booking agent. Our only mode of transportation is a chariot pulled by white stallions. We once played a 13 state tour in two and a half days. We book shows from the road using a commodore 64. The only reason we have a relatively small fanbase (compared to the beatles) is because there are so few survivors of our live shows. Our live show has been outlawed as a lethal weapon in 14 states. The opinions expressed by the survivors of our shows are generally this: "THE AWKWARD ROMANCE was the musical equivalent of Godzilla rampaging through and melodically destroying a small Japanese town. But in a very fun way."
The compositions we create can hardly be described as music, since other "so-called" music is clumsily thrown together by mere mortals. We have crafted more of a celestial soundscape that is in theory similar to cherubic tunes played by angels, except with more sweet riffs, harmonies, and ROCK. We have redefined all genres previously conceived by humankind into our own genre of music that is single-handedly ours. Since we invented it, we decided to call this genre "AMAZING" (all caps). This is a very new concept to earth, so inadequate terms are often used to describe us such as "Indie Rock" or "Rock n' Roll" by most unenlightened humans and the great robot called "myspace".
We are currently unsigned, but that is only because record labels are terrified of us. They have realized that with our great knowledge of music law, we would rewrite the offered contracts and confuse their lawyers, and then screw the label over, instead of them screwing us over. What they fail to realize is that we would still sell more CD's and legal downloads than anyone ever, (yes, including Creed), resolve the issues associated with illegal downloading, and single-handedly resurrect the dying music business.
In short, the only force on earth capable of stopping us would be a band comprised of Chuck Norris, John Cougar Mellencamp, Sting, and Mozart (on drums), but as we all know, Styx has long since broken up. However, in spite of our great list of achievements, which include saving earth with our unparalleled musical genius, obliterating the need for the word "genre", and putting Superman himself to shame, the virtue we're most proud of is our humility. We are such good guys, that our male fans often refer to us as the awkward "bromance". The ladies just plain out dig us. When not reinventing the face of music, we can be found volunteering at shelters, rescuing hurt animals, or kissing babies. Although, of course, we would never brag. "Down to earth" is a term we use to describe ourselves. Unless, of course, we happen to be flying at the moment. Then we just laugh loudly at the irony and proceed shortly thereafter to write the best song ever written, EVER. |
