A Warm Place
Heavy rain touches my head again
Still the same, can't back down again
But when you look in my eyes, tell me what kind of person you see
When they're my lies, then how can I be deceived?
I've been spending my whole life looking for a warm place
I've been hiding all the strife to keep it away from my face
When I fall into the sea will you still remember me after I fade away?
Open mind can't stretch much further now.
Caps and stems/Us and them, can someone tell me how
We let it get to this, we let it fade
When I know I'm feeling something, I choose to break away
I've been spending my whole life looking for a warm place
I've been hiding all the strife to keep it away from my face
When I fall into the sea will you still remember me after I fade away?


2003


Life in Vein
Cut wrists don't give a shit, struggle endlessly to try and heal it
Plans don't work and I'm not your friend, bring this fake embrace to an end
Take away all of me, another day finds another way to trick me
And intensity wears on me, severity, leaving their footprints on my mind and body
Give up when stuck in the same fucking place then wonder why you feel out of place
End everything
Seems like life is nothing but strife, solution sharpened, is this right?
Everytime I catch a break something happens to blow it away
Theres something telling me in the back of my mind
That you never will know what you can truly find
End everything - this solution isn't mine - End everything
Theres so much to life we haven't seen - So many places that I haven't been
Don't generalize me again - I'm doing all I can to not
Live my life in vein - Experience the pain
Living life in vain - It doesn't feel the same
I'm not living life in vein
End everything - then you come cry to me for help - End everything


2003


Only Living Witness
So, you're gonna take it all away from me - Well it's not that easy
You think you got it all planned out right there on paper in pen
You better think again
So I say it's not what you have - it's what you have to give
Lie like a dog and tell me what I want to hear
Push away the absolute logic only to witness your own mind disappear
Now, you think you can just turn your back and walk away from me
It's not that easy
You say you want it, need it, can't live without plugging it into your bloodstream
Something, one thing takes you away from me
So I say it's not what you have - it's what you have to give
Lie like a dog and tell me what I want to hear
Push away the absolute logic only to witness your own mind disappear



2003


Over Now
Growing up, never had much to give
Throwing up the excuses you fed to me, I'm failing, derailing myself
I'm giving
So many times, your lies cut thru my heart
So I just go back to the start again my friend, see...
These things they change, they stay the same, it's so routine to me
I'm giving up - I'm giving
All the times you turned away - Avert my gaze again
You say it's all okay
It's all over now, you know it's all over now All the times you turned away - Avert my gaze again
You say it's all okay
Was it something I said, can you help me forget the pain
Cause I'm turning my head and I know what you said 'bout me
It's all over now, you know it's all over now


2003


Push it Away
All the things have changed, but I'm trying to stay the same inside
But I cannot betray all the choices I have made for myself
All of this time it just turns into nothing but I...
I'm still trying to push it away
What is left to say when you're trying to walk away from yourself?
Yeah, I'm not trying to keep the lesser aspects of a me that I don't want
A part of me that I don't want
All of this time it just turns into nothing but I...
I'm still trying to push it all away
All of this time it just turns into nothing but I...
Push it away


2003


Shy Away
Just listen to what I have to say
Theres no safe way of living today
You always say Nay until the day it happens to you
Caught up in artificial days, I don't know who I should trust or who I should push away
Can't see thru this thick haze - enough smoke and mirrors, see clearer
Shy away
Loneliness is not contagious - It's just a state of mind when you've lost all your fucking hope
You can't say No.
Caught up in artificial days, I don't know who I should trust or who I should push away
Can't see thru this thick haze - enough smoke and mirrors, see clearer
Shy away
Just listen to what I have to say


2003


Martyr
I never wanted to feel this need, maybe subconsciously already set on the wrong path. Down this road, few who go come back alive. They find the right inside themselves to overcome, but tons will stray and waste away because the sun never shined upon their shoulders. They're feeling older, a little more grey. A little more cynical today.
Why does it have to start like this, every single friendship based on chemical euphoria
It takes me away
And tho I feel so good I feel so low that I could just disappear
And then you all will see...
I just want to be the martyr, I wanna be the one who risks it all to prove his control and show everyone I'm whole inside.
I just want to be the martyr, I wanna be the one who risks it all to prove his control while another critic twists my words
Started out so innocent and pure, look at what the years have done to me. I think I have the strength of mind to toe the line and come back alive. Nothing will break my stride and I'll keep pushing my luck closer towards the cliff, away from me. You will see just how I rebuild myself when it's ready to fall. I'm gonna lose it all.
I remember when I had purity in my heart, recently I've been noticing my hands are not so clean.
And the idea is ripping me apart that I can't return to the way things used to be.
Well I want to be the martyr, I wanna be the one who risks it all to prove his control and show everyone I'm whole inside.
I just want to be the martyr, I wanna be the one who risks it all.
Fucked, we are fucked and theres nothing we can do 'cause I'm in this with you
Like you forgot my fucking name or something else along the lines...
Like you forgot my fucking name or something else along the lines, I've been kicking hard times since 1995. Whatever suits you will become of you and you will fall away.


2003


Crush
Too many times I've seen this series of events, the breaking point soon to come and there won't be any defense
Caught off guard is how it turns out every single time - I find no appeasing melody in the reason or rhyme
Turning a blind eye to problems never yielded the results that were desireable at all
We start to wonder who's at fault.
And I don't have any answers, I'm just as blind as you - So blind my only question is;
"What can I do to overcome my flaws?"
Take it away, don't want it near me, my pleasure only produces my pain
Just a stain to identify
Running out of time - Take it all away - Running out of time
Take it away, don't want it near me, my pleasure only produces my pain
Just a stain to identify


2003


Unlucky
Everytime I try to turn my head away, I get blinded by sunrays
Peering thru the window, revealing what I don't know.
Yet it seems so clear to me,
I know theres something out there waiting for me - Waiting...
If it's not what I had thought to be
I'm not trying to find out
I know it is just a fallacy
And I'm not dying for it
Everytime I try to listen to what you have to say, I find it useless anyway
Now I'm back into the hole where nobody ever goes and comes back alive
Still you're looking at me like you're expecting to see a person you used to know
If it's not what I had thought to be
I'm not trying to find out
I know it is just a fallacy
And I'm not dying for it
When it's over - what is left to say?
When I'm sober - I wish it all away
When it's over I'll come crawling right back home
If it's not what you would have thought to be - Keep trying
If it's not what you would expect from me - I don't care
It it's not what you would expect to hear from my lips - I'm speaking my censored truth
A poisoned broken youth


2003

Dissonance
Consonance in dissonance - the world has never made much sense to me
Someone please explain the conflict in the unity
Your borders are boxing me in - You're suffocating be attention again
No, consonance in dissonance has never really made much sense
Torn apart and reassembled just outside the lines you stenciled out for me
Shown the way and led astray all in one day, no, this can't be the way my story goes
Borders are boxing me in - You're suffocating by attention again
There is no way out - this black and white connection
There is no way out - this unholy conception
Consonance in dissonance the world has never made much sense to me

2004

Eclipse
I am lost in my pain - I may be hearing voices but it sounds like conversation to me
I am high again - I've made all of my choices and resulted in stagnation again
Now it seems you won't even turn your head to match my eyes
And I feel so unreal I can't wait to begin the fall
Empty threats mean nothing to me if there is nothing behind them
Cause I've been threatened for too long - It's the same old song
Repeating, defeating, my meaning has been lost but I'm not lost within myself
Think about that for a minute
Now it seems you won't even turn your head to match my eyes
And I feel so unreal, I can't wait to begin the fall
You'll never be what you want to be to me
You'll never be what you see in me
Now it seems you won't even cast a glance into my eyes
It makes me feel too unreal, just look thru your disguise


2003

Get Me Thru
It seems I've painted myself into a corner again and I've lost all depth of my perception
And in this place I find disgrace - just left to hang for you
And in this place I see your face and come unglued
And time just keeps on passing me by - And I've grown so cold from all thats happened, so I...
Get in this place and find disgrace - just left to hang for you
And in this place I see your face and come unglued
Despite the mace I feel your grace pulling me further thru
So ungrateful - Not even a "thanks"
For all of my efforts said and done I was the only one who listened to
Your endless whining, always pining for the bigger, better, whatever
I can no longer deliver
I think its time you took some advice and let it go
Still in this place I find disgrace - just left to hang for you
And in this place I see your face and come unglued
Despite the mace I feel your grace pulling me further thru
And I'm erased without a trace, it's nothing new

2004

Honestly

Did you ever hear a single word I said? - Did you ever fear with clouds over your head?
Well the words just don't come to me so easily anymore
Feels like I'm trying to set up shelter in a storm
But thats over now
Broken backs and bleeding minds always say the answers are hard to find
Well the words just don't come to me so easily anymore
Feels like I'm trying to set up shelter in a storm
But thats over now
Is this the right time to say this?
Turning my back to what was familiar
Fade to black and I'm sinking deeper
Climbing the walls trying to make sense of my compulsive urge to kill myself slowly
Things can't go on like the way they are
I know one decision means a lot
Every decision I make seems to come back to haunt me
It's starting to feel like even I don't want me
Honestly
And whats left to say? - You threw it all away
Turning my back to what was familiar
Fade to black and I'm sinking deeper
Climbing the walls trying to make sense of my compulsive urge to kill myself slowly


2004

Apologize
They say that patience is a virtue, you know it's what they say
You tolerate everything so it can all be okay, now...
For any ignorant idea to be displayed
I only wish this feeling would go away
And I am sorry, I really must apologize because in my mind
I want to pluck out your eyes - you don't see the pain
They tell me what I should and can't do, and you know its true
But I just put on a fake smile to get me thru this day now
Things have changed to say the least and I can't find the missing
Pieces of the puzzle thats been causing me this trouble and it's gonna end
And I am sorry, I really must apologize because in my mind
I want to pluck out your eyes
And things have changed to say the least between me and you
And I don't know what to do - What to do?
And I'm not sorry I never will apologize for whats in my mind
I've got to pluck out your eyes, you don't see the pain

2004